I Have Seen Myself

AnalaiahMy oldest child, my 8 year old daughter Analaiah, reminds me of myself when I was younger. Some of her little ways where she acts out is definitely from my husband when he was little (something he agrees with), but she has a lot of my ways. She is the oldest (same with me of my parent’s children) and she sometimes feels left out. Some people pick on her at school, telling her she’s ugly (she definitely isn’t), as they did with me. She gets her feelings hurt easily, just like I do too. She is a sweet girl and is always trying to show affection by giving hugs to everyone (something my mom tells me I did all the time).

I see so much of myself in her, but yesterday, I saw something that was exactly like me. The person trying to give encouragement when no one else will. The person trying to make you feel a part of something when others make you feel left out. So we were watching home videos yesterday at my sister’s 20th birthday party and there was a part where I was singing at a wedding. I was so scared to sing it then, but had a good time because I did it. I don’t mind watching myself sing, but when everyone else also has to watch it, I feel so embarrassed. I am definitely not the best singer in the world, but I do have a lot of confidence that I am a pretty good singer. Anyway, because my daughter knew exactly how I was feeling at the moment (I had turned around completely and ignored my video and everyone’s response on purpose), she turned to me and tells me, “Mommy, you’re the best singer ever! You need to be on TV singing!” She knew in that moment that I was feeling embarrassed and had to give me comfort in knowing that I am still a good singer if no one ever says it.

She has made me realize that even though I am a mother to four kids, I can still do what it is that I love and be great at it. She has also shown me how to be more encouraging to her so that she can grow into an amazing adult that she will be one day. She has also shown me that no matter what I have done wrong as a parent or person, she still believes in me and has not lost that innocence and fire in her eyes of being an encouraging spirit! I thank God for her everyday, all of my children, and will learn to see what is in them and nurture it and help them to grow stronger! I love being their mom and I love that I have seen myself in each and every one of them too!

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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My Life! My Rant! Episode 2!

Ultrasound TwinsThis completely amazes me! Why do people constantly feel the need to monitor me and check me for kids as if I’m being inspected for some type of drugs? I cannot even work without rumors being spread such as “Someone told me about a month ago that you’re pregnant”. Maybe I have put on some extra pounds (which I thought I was losing) or maybe what I have been wearing lately has not been very flattering for my figure. Either way, what makes a person spread someone else’s “business” because it’s what they are hoping for? If someone I knew was pregnant and they didn’t already put it out there, I wouldn’t talk about it unless I knew it was absolutely true AND I would respect their privacy. After all, some people don’t want to share the news right away.

For me, having had enough miscarriages to be heartbroken (one is all it really takes), it takes a lot of energy in me to share with someone if I am pregnant. I was devastated although I had 3 kids at the time when I had a miscarriage. I was so sad because I knew how amazing children can be when they are going through the different stages of life and I knew that my dream of having all of my kids back to back with no large gaps in between was getting farther from my reality. Truth is, God didn’t want it that way and I’m thankful that he blessed us with our 4th child when he did, which was about 1 year and 4 months ago. I absolutely love her and she is definitely perfect for our family.

So, to set the record straight, I want more children and so does my husband. At this time in our life, we aren’t ready to have them now. We are grown, know what we are doing to make sure that it stays this way until we are a little more financially stable for more children and are both emotionally and physically ready. If we have more, great! If we end up not having anymore, it’s not a big deal at all and we will still be happy! No, I’m not pregnant! Time will tell if you are in disbelief!

And if you’re wondering why I posted an ultrasound picture of twins, it’s because I know some of the ones speculating would read it and will get the truth directly from me! Hate to fool anyone, but I just want the record set straight! Once again, I’m NOT pregnant!

My Life! My Rant! Episode 1!

166008950Some people like to make it seem as if everything is fine and nothing ever goes wrong in their lives. While there is nothing wrong with that (because no one should know everything in your life anyway), it’s not fair if they make it seem nothing is wrong in their life, but find everything wrong with yours. My current circumstance is nothing I’m ashamed of. It’s funny to me that what is not a problem for me, somehow is a problem to others on the outside. Now I don’t mean any one person specifically, but I mean others I see at work, or people I meet and get to know a little about. It seems as if there’s always a judgmental comment coming my way, which after some time, can completely make me become irritated and will make me either ignore you completely or only deal with you if I have to. With that being said, it saddens me that I could go this far and sometimes be angry (as you’ll see with my rant). I think that it’s time for me to go through another course of change in my life. If it means bettering myself for myself, then I’m all for it.

My current situation, married with 4 kids, living with my parents, working full time, being a full time student, and emotionally supporting my husband as he went through a major career change (to a better job, thankfully), has been rough. Ups and downs financially and within my family. As a couple, it has made us stronger, but has shown us who in our lives will be so quick to judge and put us down because of it. With things looking so much better financially and within the family, we are not in a rush to make moves that others want us to make, but do things the way we would like to. Am I saying I’m going to stay in my current situation forever? No. We’re working on it for us. Am I jealous of what others may have or be doing that is different from me and my family? Of course not. Am I saying that I hate anyone because of it? No way. People only THINK they know what we have been through and I find it quite amusing when the story comes back to me with all of the colorful twists and turns that are added as a result of no one coming directly to the source and asking, but fabricating their own imagery of our life. As talented as some have been with these stories, you’d think they’d put it to good use and go write a novel. Heck, I’d probably read (or listen to the “stories”) they tell.

I know that sometimes I have to just simply walk away and do what is best for me and my family, while the stories fly around our head. I have decided that I need to focus more on working on myself and what I was put on this earth to do. That was to walk in the way that God would have me to go, regardless of what others think. Yes, I have been called someone who “always did good and never did anything exciting in her life” or someone who was a “square”, but that hasn’t stopped me from being me and to me, I’ve had more fun in my life than most people would really think. The truth is, if I were to do some of the things that people say I NEVER do, then as soon as I did any on of those things, I’d be called a HYPOCRITE and the same questions would come up like “How are you a Christian if you (insert action here)?” Or “Are Christians supposed to even be doing that?” I could go on.

I have decided to go on a journey! I use the You Version Bible App and also have it downloaded on my computer. I take advantage of the reading plans because they are always helpful and give me new insight to the scriptures I read along with teaching me life lessons. I just began the “Compassion: A 14-Day Journey” reading plan. I chose this plan because of the negative things that have come my way frequently, it will help me to show a little more compassion, even if they don’t. I look at it as if maybe I didn’t treat someone with compassion at a point in my life and can learn from it by being taught how to have a more compassionate heart. I encourage you to use this app and find the scriptures or reading plans that can change you or your life for the better.

So when everything around you seems to be negative, search out those that are always trying to be positive and aren’t putting others problems as the head of their life. You will find yourself feeling much better about who you are and will do what it is YOU feel good about! Embrace the positive and become more positive!

Being A Mother Takes Courage

106798813Being a mother takes courage! Heck, being a parent takes courage! But as a mother, I would like to speak from a mother’s point of view; my point of view. Fathers, you may read this and learn something about the mother of your children, or may even simply relate to some things too!

As a 30 year old mom(I’m proud of my age!), with 4 kids, I have seen the many different stages, I myself, have gone through. When I first became a mom, I didn’t understand that other mothers were trying to tell me what worked for them as they parented their children only to help me out. When I was a young(er) mother, I shifted into some sort of autopilot mode (in my mind) and thought I knew exactly what was best for my child and no one’s “advice” mattered (maybe except for my mom’s). I thought that every one was telling me what to do and how to do it and I somehow felt like in their eyes, I was doing it all wrong. But that’s not true. As a “seasoned mother” I’d like to call it, I can never do everything perfect and I can look back on how many silly mistakes I have made, and then the different advice I let slip away because I was in a mindset of “You don’t know what’s best for my child, only I do”.

Being a mother is hard. With all of the responsibilities and different changes my body went through, the ups and downs of my mood, not to mention trying not to feel like I lost my identity from what was once cool, I was not in a mindset of hearing all the “negativity” surrounding me. Growing UP is what I had to do, with each kid that came along. I started to see that all kids are different. Two are never the same, but some of the advice I was once hearing started to make more sense. I started to see that what the more “Seasoned Mothers” were telling me actually worked. I also saw that I could modify them to work in different ways for my very different kids. Now I feel like I want to hear everyone’s advice and opinions on different issues because I feel I can benefit from others experiences too.

The lesson I learned is that it really takes courage to be a mother, while hearing all of the advice, and trying to learn at the same time. I learned that when someone tells me to do something a certain way, I definitely consider it and try it. If it doesn’t work, it’s not harmful, it just helps you to see outside the box. After all, those books about being a mom and all of that advice had to come from somewhere (or some seasoned moms), right?!

My advice to all of you young mothers out there that think someone is trying to tell you how to raise your child, remember that not all mothers are there to hurt you or put you down. They are simply sharing their experiences with you and letting you know what worked for them. Most moms are trying to save you those long sleepless nights or frustrations you could avoid by sharing their stories. Instead of turning from them, turn to the advice and if it works, great! If it doesn’t work, maybe you can modify it to fit your preferences, or just do away with it completely! You really never know until you try it and maybe, just maybe, you can pass along what worked for you to new moms or your future girls for when they become moms!